Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Humans = Pork

via Rob at LGM, we find that scientists are once again endangering all human existence:
At the end of the robot's left arm is an infrared spectrometer. When objects are placed up against the sensor, the robot fires off a beam of infrared light. The reflected light is then analyzed in real time to determine the object's chemical composition.

"All foods have a unique fingerprint," Shimazu said. "The robot uses that data to identify what it is inspecting right there on the spot."...

When a reporter's hand was placed against the robot's taste sensor, it was identified as prosciutto. A cameraman was mistaken for bacon.
Right. "Mistaken" for bacon. Apparently, inventing the hydrogen bomb was for pussies. Real men build human-craving robots.

Tasty, smoked, human, served up with eggs easy over and a side of home fries.

BTW, if I were the reporter, I'd be feeling pretty superior right now. Bacon's good and all, but prosciutto is delicious.

...And now I've gone and endorsed robots categorizing humans based on how tasty we are. I - and therefore we - deserve extinction.

2 comments:

Mike said...

Well, the Cannibals refered to humans as "long pork" so maybe the robot wasn't wrong...

auntiegrav said...

I vaguely remember a story about a guy who killed people (maybe it was a mafia thing) and fed them to the hogs. Apparently, turnabout is CYA.
Interspecies war over food and water....hmmmm. I think the pigs would win when it comes to intelligence and stamina on the battlefield. Unless we wear electric stun suits.
I digress. I really wanted to say, "Well, prosciutto beats Soylent Green anyday!" Welcome to the luxurious Roman Decline of the Empire.