Possibly The Stupidest Movie-Adoption Ever

Oh, conservatives. What won't you try and pimp?

The moment a movie becomes popular, the conservatives are there to take all the fun out of it. First it was The Incredibles. Then Cinderella Man. Now... March of the Penguins? Please, just stop.

"March of the Penguins," the conservative film critic and radio host Michael Medved said in an interview, is "the motion picture this summer that most passionately affirms traditional norms like monogamy, sacrifice and child rearing."

So all you conservatives should find that special someone, have a child, lose 1/3 to 1/2 of your body mass, then abandon the child and spouse forever. Because apparently, "monogamy" means that you only have sex with one person a year. (Note to conservatives: this is what Penguins actually do. I know, zoology is just a theory...)

The movie goes on to follow the penguins as they trek back and forth over 70 miles of ice to their breeding ground and huddle together to protect their eggs in temperatures that average 70 degrees below zero Fahrenheit.

To Andrew Coffin, writing in the widely circulated Christian publication World Magazine, that is a winning argument for the theory that life is too complex to have arisen through random selection.

"That any one of these eggs survives is a remarkable feat - and, some might suppose, a strong case for intelligent design," he wrote. "It's sad that acknowledgment of a creator is absent in the examination of such strange and wonderful animals. But it's also a gap easily filled by family discussion after the film."

Many of the Penguin eggs are smashed before they hatch, and more chicks die before they can fend for themselves. In all, up to a third of the children die young. They then have to fend for themselves for five years before they're sexually mature and can begin reproducing. If I were to propose a business that had to deal with 30% losses and zero profits for at least a five year term, you wouldn't call that intelligent. You'd call it insane.

Ipso facto, God is insane. See, even conservatives said it!